YAY GAY MARRIAGE 15 sec. vid

Yay gay marriage!

A video posted by Dakota Lane (@dakotastories) on Jun 27, 2015 at 9:08am PDT

HH Karmapa arriving

Just found this, and for students, it might be uplifting to see, the feeling of OK, he's here.
His Holiness 17th Karmapa  is a powerful presence and  his practical teachings and living example have helped me to make some changes in my life that I've been wanting and needing to make. This is a bit of an understatement. I hope this might lead you to explore more for yourself and see what you think.

This was when he offered the 2011 teaching about the Buddha Shakyamuni at KTD Monastery, the Karmapa's North American seat, in Woodstock, NY. The Karmapa is the head of the Karma Kagyu lineage of Tibetan Buddhism. Khenpo Karthar Rinpoche, Abbot of the monastery, enters at end of video.

To all the fathers in recovery: thank you!

Thank you for being in the rooms--my father never made it here.

Thanks to you, I know what it feels like to have a dad look me in the eye and say: you belong here,
you're doing great, I believe in you, keep going, you're not alone.

Thanks to you, I have an example of a man who has the courage to face his past and take responsibility for his actions today, willing to be the best man he can be today, and making the effort to change for the better, no matter what it takes, one day at a time.

Thanks to you, I can watch a dad, over time, make changes he can not see himself--even as we all witness day by day the often dramatic transformation to increasing wisdom and  compassion. We see your efforts to become a useful person, in your family and in the world, and your willingness to be a worker among workers, a human among humans, showing up with hard work and reaching for humility. We see you becoming more useful, more at peace and more mature. We see you discovering a new way to exist in this world, and we are inspired by your example.

Where once there was only fighting, and proving, or running and using--we see a true backbone and stability emerge--and where once a hard heart and harsh ways, now a more caring heart and more loving ways. This is the true meaning of strength. We see you becoming more a protector than one seeking protection, a source of strength instead of a cause for fear or confusion.

Thanks to you,  when I hear the word dad, I might think of you, and the kindness and patience you showed me when I faltered. Thanks to you, on Father's Day, I have someone special to remember and my heart glows with pride and sincere gratitude.

Whether you have 28 years or just one day, these steps you take to abandon what is harmful and to turn to what is good--helps me to believe that I too might change--and that perhaps, if they want to, many more could.

It doesn't matter if you are old enough to be my grandfather or young enough to be my son, you
who are a recovering dad, have been there for me as a human. Some of you have changed my life by giving me rides to meetings--and even the grocery store--when I could hardly walk, and some of you have lifted me up when I was most scared, with just with a genuine smile, or by saying with your quiet presence that we are in this together. This is the meaning of unconditional love.

And for those who are not dads, I know there are sons, and uncles and brothers in these rooms, who
deserve support and recognition--as we are all in this together as recovering humans.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, I LOVE YOU and THANK YOU, and keep coming back ODAT!

The good news about getting off narcotic painkillers when you are in pain

The good news is it not only can be done, but I did it--while in chronic, often torturous pain, with no encouragement from the doctors, no hope that it was possible, and no hint that the pain might diminish.

The great news is that before I began I was virtually housebound, using a cane and other assistive devices and had a home health care aide 20 hours a week. Today, just nine months later, I am walking, sitting, driving, and independent. I have not only hours but days without pain, and it no longer rules my life. Best of all, the terror and isolation I lived in, the state of constant hopelessness--is far diminished.
My life has meaning again, and there are even full days where I do not think about what brought me to such a state, and if I do it does not trigger me.

I seldom think of painkillers, where they were once my life, as I lived for the short moments of relief. They never relieved my pain--only gave my mind a temporary escape. I began with 5 mg. of oxycodone once nightly; I was prescribed more, bought fought it for a year, as I knew I would become addicted, and as I knew it did nothing to heal me or help me get a diagnosis, treatment plan or cure for the terrible internal nerve pain; the onset was immediately following an injury in a doctor's office during a diagnostic procedure, and it was complicated by my breaking my left hand, and then my left foot.
This , coupled with some extreme traumas--including loss of my home after hurricane, and the death of my two closest friends. These incidents were not related in any way--not the injuries, or the disaster or the deaths--and yet they all happened in a short time period, and wreaked havoc with my neurological system, in terms of processing both physical and emotional trauma. I did not know this at the time, but gained an understanding of this over the years when I began to heal.

The situation was fed by seeing so many doctors and specialists, and not given a clear picture or any hope, beyond prescriptions. WHen I went to see a new doctor last week, the intake nurse read me the list of meds I had been prescribed. I was so proud to tell her I wasn't on any of them--she barely blinked. But when the doctor came in, I asked if he had seen the list. He said yes--I thought to myself, I have to meet this person, I can't beleive they could still be alive.

I was prescribed codiene, morphine, oxycontin, valium, neurontin, lyrica and two or three other medications. I am on zero now.

The one person who gave me great hope was a pharmacist who explained to me about pain receptors closing down as you take narcotics, and then new ones opening up, thus requiring a higher dose. I could see this clearly in my mind--and that helped. For once, I didn't look it up to confirm, as almost nothing I looked up about my condition or its treatment offered any hope. I asked if it were possible that as I went down on the dose of the drug--(bit by torturous bit as it turned out)--if the pain receptors then might go in reverse and shut down, and I might end up in much less pain. She said absolutely yes.

This small bit of information is what I kept in my mind, holding onto it during the most torturous days. I kept telling myself I did not know what would happen in the end, but I did know what would happen if I stayed in excruciating pain, terror and on a high dose of drugs that was only climbing higher with each passing month.

I also used ice packs all over my body--and use zero now.

I was on 120 mg. a day when I began to cut the dose. I went on some online boards to see how others had suceeded; there wer emany more stories than I imagined, including ones from people, who, like me, had been legally prescribed for legitimate pain. I want to add my voice to this group--that it is not only possible, but there is a chance you will have your life back.

Of course there were times when the pain was so bad--I don't know how I stuck to my gameplan--or rather I do know; by praying and admitting that I was powerless over the drug, powerless over the pain, and turning it over, and using a daily recovery program, with the support of others. There were times--when I was about two thirds there, that I called an emergency room and was told by the doctors to stop immediately--that what I was doing was dangeorus. And it was dangerous, so I don't recommend it without medical help and a lot of support and guidance. i wouldn't want to be responsible for anyone suffering more than they are. Yet I do want to encourage anyone who feels in their heart that it is time to get off the drugs--time to live instead of die.

The pain and discomfort of withdrawal was like nothing I had ever experienced, sweating, "kicking"--the whole lovely experience I'd read about, but it was absolutely nothing compared to the months of phsyical pain as my body screamed out that it wanted , needed and deserved to be out of pain. This is where my other great help came in. Dr. Howard Schubiner, who works with pain syndromes that involve the way brain processes, perceives and gives back images of pain that are identical to pain caused by physicological inputs, such as the pain from an initial and severe injury that requires immediate treatment.  I had to continually convince myself that even though there was a physiological cause, that the signals were actually being produced in my brain, and the brain was quite malleable, and trainable, and perhaps, with the help of my higher power and my own effort and vigilance--that I could
convince my brain to stop offering such strong and disastrous signals, when after all, no help was ever going to come along--and furthermore, these signals were of no use.

All that pain signals do is convince you to get help, or to stop moving so you can not create more pain.

In my case, perhaps certain movements and positions were injuring me more--but I came to believe that this was not the case. It was fear that had convinced me, fear that had shut my life down to a pinhole, and fear that continued to produce the pain. No it was not in my mind, not a hysterical illness--
there were three key nerves involved and they cause some of the most heinous intractable pain you can imagine--the ilioinguinal, pudendal and genitofemoral nerves. I had also been told I had three herniated discs, an SI joint issue and other structural issues, and that these worked together to create constant muscle spasms.

I threw that all out the window. I marked on my calender the doses. I walked a mile every day even when it snows, regardless of pain. I engaged in my recovery program and made calls and helped others.
I turned my world into an outpatient rehab, or rather my higher power offered me the protection of a celestial rehab.

They had given me two drugs to get off the codiene--one a drug now classed as narcotic--I notice dthe effects right away and threw it down the toilet. The other was valium, and I used it carefully but was still up to a 5 mg tab by the time I was done. One week after being completely off the oxycodone, I began reducing the valium, which was probably insane, and I wouldn't advise it. particularly in my circumstance; however, I continued, and it was in some ways harder than getting off codiene, and
it has now been almost exactly 90 days free of that. It caused much anxiety, and I was afraid I would remain in that state for years--but less than three months later, I am so much calmer than I was, calmer and even saner, than all the years on those drugs.

I've been waiting to write this, but luckily so few read my blog! I've been waiting until I had the perspective to write something clear and hopeful--but I jsut want to share now, as something tells me there oculd be someone out there who doesn't need a perfect report, or perfect instructions, jsut some hope and encouragement that they will get better, and that they can do it.

YOU CAN DO IT--JUST NOT ALONE! god bless, and good luck, my prayers are with you.
I don't know you, but I believe in you. You deserve to have a good life--and to be free again--from pain, from anxiety, from isolation, from terror--and from dependency on drugs.

I am a medical miracle--and this book helped

I wrote about 5,000 words today about nerve pain and trauma recovery, but it always gets too complicated! One day I hope to share my story and how I got better--share it clearly and in a way that is practical and useful. Easier said than done.

So let me start with  Essential Help for Your Nerves, 
by Claire Weekes, a hero and pioneer in this field !

This little book is for pain and trauma recovery what saltwater is for a toothache--a good old basic that really really works.

I love things that work without faith.  You simply use it, do it, take it, or apply it--and voila, works or doesn't work. Once you see it works and once you experience the results, then you have faith. This is my criteria for many things, but particularly when it comes to healing.

Of course faith and grace come in, and of course there is the matter of process and patience and time.
But there is a basic resonance that I believe in. And even in times of great mental delusion, my heart still had the ability deep within, to discern, it still had the little light, and the little click--when something was right. Sometimes it bypassed my brain--yes, it often bypassed my brain. sometimes I despaired of ever discerning--how do i know--what part of me is saying yes, what part of me is saying no--
and often i was confused beyond belief and paralyzed with fear, a fear I didn't even know was fear!

Yet--I GOT OUT!

I got out because I set out--and two years from the day I made that video, things have only gotten better. I could not and did not sit for two and a half years. I could not walk a block without a cane.
I traveled with an improvised seat made of a toilet seat taped to wooden blocks--or else I lay in the back of a car. I was in intractable pain 80% of the time, with a sensation of being tortured. I used ice packs all over my body. I was on mass quantities of narcotics. I was paranoid, terrified, isolated and hopeless.
Worse of all, I had come to completely doubt everything that was a source of truth, unity, love, joy and purpose.

Now--I walk wherever I please, and even hike. I sit--always! I drive--something I never thought I would do again! I am on zero drugs--HOORAY! I was given no hope--and I am a medical miracle!
I am a grandma of two adorable baby boys, the lights of  my life, along with my darling daughters and wonderful son-in-laws. I have much to live for and everything to be grateful for,

and hope to share anything that is useful so others might not suffer needlessly.



It turned out--THERE WAS A SOLUTION out of an entirely hopeless situation.

This little book came to me at least a year after I set out--

The book was not my solution and did not outline a program, but it was a gift as I discovered the solution, it was a piece of the solution, and it provided, and still provides some great relief and assurance, and I hope it helps you too! I'm not sure if she mentions nerve pain, but I am positive that if nerves are involved in the pain you have experienced, then you also experience the nerves involved in anxiety. In my case, these nerves seemed to become entangled--anxiety affecting pain and vice versa. I can now report that I am getting better equally in both departments. I sensed there had to be a technical reason and not just a karmic-i-am-permanently-doomed reason, that I felt like I was a shell packed full of unsheathed, cross-signaled nerves--I felt like a skinned cat--I reacted to every tiny input whether pain or sound or human look, as if it were magnified a thousand times. Now I can look back and say, it is SOOOOOOOO much better.

But it absolutely would not have gotten better on its own. I had to do something--I had to take all kinds of actions, and they all worked together, and I did not do it alone. There were various things that helped, often simple things. And this book was one, so I hope it helps you!

Here's what's exciting, and I believe Dr. Claire Weekes, and the other pioneers in traumatic pain syndromes would  agree --one is not doomed to suffer a chronic condition without cure, one does not have to learn to live with it, put on a brave face, make the best of it--but one can shift to an entirely new direction, in an entirely new way--and in time, know, without a doubt that you have recovered your life.

HH KARMAPA IS FREE

ཀརྨ་བཀའ་བརྒྱུད།

Living gratefully vs. telling yourself you should be happy

Telling yourself you should be happy....

...because three years ago I was in seemingly unending physical pain...not for a weekend...a year..but ceaselessly for years--and here i am sitting on my front steps listening to crickets and no pain.

...because so many people are suffering in this moment.

...because I am blessed with so many things, including the ones I care about more than my own life.

Etc. Etc.--this kind of should never produces happiness.

Yet, day by day, if I remember there is a new way, if I offer the best I can--in each moment---mostly in terms of mindfulness, willingness, a spirit of being present, of unity, in helpfulness--sometimes by smiling, sometimes by shutting up, sometimes by cleaning my bathroom floor--or taking a walk instead of looking up something useless online... these choices, and these compassionate or useful actions--no matter how I am FEELING--create a lif overall more peaceful and manageable, which in turn gives rise to moments of acceptance, peace, genuine feelings, genuine compassion, genuine friendship--

i sometimes miss the times of being run all over the place with my desires, with seeking, with the zest of acquistion, the satisfaction of controlling--but not the crashes that follow, the deep disappointments and crushing loss. Of course these still come in miniature bursts of I have to have--I can't stand this--and other strong emotions, in almost every day.

I have very little control, but I do have a choice, whereas in the grip of pain or illness or catastrophic loss and injury--it is choiceless.

For a few years now, since I decided to walk again, even a few steps at a time at first, I began to test the limits of what seemed a choiceless circumstance. Pain used to be a dealbreaker--not any more. And as I kept going in spite of pain, the pain diminished. Now I keep going--not just aimlessly,  and not with sheer willfulness, but with a new goal--and I keep going in spite of fear, dullness, anxiety, or any other negative emotion. My old goal used to be to get what I want or to avoid or annhilate what I did not want. Now it seems more about unity--with my higher power, with others, with a common goal, with my heart-- This new more conscious way feels awkward and seems to involve way too much discernment and effort at times--but when the fruits come, they are indescribably sweet--
to many, so subtle they might be overlooked. For me, something as simple as being with diverse people as equals in a circle--listening, and feeling part of--contributing sometimes solely by being present--
it is really impossible to explain, but to do this and feel at ease in body and mind, to feel useful, and part of--and not in control of the whole show--
this is the greatest joy.

Fiji WATER's creepy commercial--do you see what I see?

Do you see what I see? (Answer below)



(Make sure you are seeing the one called TIME BEFORE, as this is part of a series part of a Fiji campaign and they will play all three in a row.)

Was watching #Happyish, the new Showtime series.

Do you guys use #s on blogger?

On this week's episode,  things turn desperate in the ad world. Dictators and terrorists are hailed as branding geniuses--
Steve Coogan pitches a campaign to Coke --(an old coke campaign mentioned in the show coincidentally appeared in a madman episode later tonight, but that's just a weird sidenote).

Happyish is set in Woodstock and a lot of people I know here like it. I watch it every week--and I hope they come back to shoot so I can be an extra.

So after HAPPYish, I turn the channel to some network and a Fiji commercial grabs my attention--
why?

Because I love drinking that water (or used to).

Even the bottles you could get for fifty cents at walmart that had been out in the sun and deformed seemed to taste better than other waters. I wondered if
they had some secret ingredient in there, like the lithium water in Oregon years ago.

In any case, I watched because the images were forceful--scenes of urban pollution and such, paired with a vocal chorus that is at once vintage Christian spiritual and New Age, and somehow has the cadence of folky movement songs--with an eerie yet compelling child's voice-


(It just made you feel that Fiji was going to save the world--offer some hope--perhaps

donate vast quantities of profits to places

where there is currently NO FRESH WATER AT ALL--or water requiring chlorine to kill dangerous microbes and water-borne diseases.)

So I'm watching this commerical--and then--i see the familiar, even iconic little plane racing toward a building--
(or at least that's how it flickered into my consciousness)--

Come on Fiji!!!! Seriously, using 911 and terrorism and environmental disaster to SELL YOUR WATER? The question is...did it work? I wonder if their sales went up. FIJI --ten hail mary's!

Karmapa tosses the object at Nalandabodhi

Karmapa’s Quantum Compassion or  Quantum prank!?

Tossing the Object at Nalandabodhi, Seattle.

It was the last web-streamed teaching of Karmapa’s  U.S. tour.

Nalandabodhi is the organization created by Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche to support his students in their study of Buddhist philosophy and the practice of meditation under his direction. 

Karmapa’s overall topic was  a call to compassionate action, and near the end, 

 he made a distinction between doing an action to benefit beings, vs. existing as one who actually embodies the nature of being genuinely beneficial.

He concluded his teaching with a pith instruction.

 ....“if we set ourselves up as the person who wishes to benefit others, and set the goal of benefiting others separate from that,

 then we will never accomplish the fully genuine expression of benefiting others...

"I think, in general, there still seems to be a sense that there is too much distance between what we say and what we do.

 “It’s important to not just content oneself with saying things. And not just satisfy oneself through understanding things.

"But actually take what was said, and take what was understood, and apply that as meaningfully as we can, to our own minds, and then begin to bring it into our experience, through practice, and through effort. 

"This means taking away the separation between the dharma and the person. We don't want the Dharma and the person to be two separate things; we want them to merge together..."

They say the Karmapa teaches on many planes at once--and here you can plainly see it!

The Karmapa lifted a small object from the table...

And transferred it to his right hand.....

As the translator continued: "In another way, you could describe this as lack of separation,  between the action and the performer of the action."

The translator did not intone the word ACTION like a movie director offering a cue—yet  the Karmapa tossed the the object at that very second—

  

The demonstration was executed smoothly and naturally. So subtle it could almost be missed, although you could hear a surprised murmur wave through the audience. The timing was flawless. The object sailed like a living koan or tiny buddha—whisking away any residue of dullness that words and theories can cause. Immediately after, the Karmapa offered a kind of spiritual equation:

"So, as short of a distance as we can make, between the action and the performer of the action... to that degree, we will truly come to understand reality, and manifest genuinely positive results."

As you can see for yourself, there was very little distance between the action and the performer of the action--in fact, they were seamlessly united--from the moment the action was born until the moment it ceased. And henceforth, it seems anyone who witnessed or was effected by this specific  action will seamlessly associate it with the performer of the action.

For me, witnessing this visual demonstration, while simultaneously hearing the instruction, was an empowerment! It awakened a sense memory of all the times, for whatever reason, since I was a child, when I had a goal and acted in accordance, with confidence and unity of my being with the goal—in a simplicity, with a true desire, with a full awareness, with all my innate abilities, fully acting, and at the same time, letting go of control.

Like a slam-dunk basket! And a lot of other things.

The unexpected action and the swiftness of its execution, and its perfect unity with each word --(please try to see the vid for yourself)—opened a door that no matter of complicated or special practices could open.

It said—if not now, when?

It said—come on, you know what to do, so just do it!

It said—yes, you do so know how to  love and care for others,  stop pretending you forgot.

It said—go ahead and smile.

“Extending love and concern to others, is the essence of being alive as a human....If you seize whatever opportunities you have to develop compassion, that would be beneficial.”

 Thank you for devoting your life and efforts to this, your Holiness Karmapa, and coming here to be with us and share with us. May you be well and happy, may you achieve what you wish, with no obstacle between you and your students!

Karmapa's Statements about Nepal at Monlam in NY

Karmapa's speech was brief and from the heart, following an intense series of prayers at Riverside Church in Manhattan today, during the special monlam initiated to pray for both those who have passed away, and those who have survived and are suffering.

The vast pews were filled with students praying in tandem. 

Nepal is the birthplace of the Buddha, and has a "tremendously close connection" with the Tibetan people,  and the devastation is "a matter of great concern and intense feeling" for Tibetans, said the Karmapa, who is head of the Karma Kagyu lineage of Tibetan Buddhism, and lives in exile in India. He was in Woodstock, NY, his North American seat, as part of this month's U.S. teaching tour, when the earthquake happened, and immediately began to pray.

"I want to offer my strongest prayers and aspirations for a good and happy rebirth for all those who have passed away (due to the earthquake) and for the quick alleviation of suffering for those who survived, and may they all be speedily returned to a state of comfort and happiness." To this end he vows to do everything in his power to assist.

He expressed gratitude to all those across the world who are assisting with disaster relief, including those who attended the monlam, and asked those in attendance to do all they can with body, speech and mind to assist.

THANK YOU KARMAPA

Live stream Karmapa in New York Prays for Nepal

HH KARMAPA is in New York at Riverside church now, with students, having initiated a prayer monlam for victims of the earthquake in Nepal.

If you are reading this around 3 p.m., you can see it live stream.

May all beings be relieved of suffering. May they know hope, comfort, happiness.

May assistance and healing be swift. May the lamp of our hearts be lighted so we might love and be useful, and know unity within and with our brothers and sisters. May all beings be free of fear and know faith.

Woodstock prays for Nepal

As Chogyaak Taktho Sherpa said: Let's join Hands for new Nepal and world.

As Karmapa said: Many thousands of people have been killed or injured, and historic buildings and private homes have been turned into ruins. At times when we are faced with such a desperate situation, we can not sit idle, unfeelingly. We must join forces and carry the burden of sorrow together. It is important that each one of us light the lamp of courage.

We're with you Nepal! The power of authentic prayer and useful action.

I wanted to write--something that could be helpful to someone who had maybe forgotten how to 

pray their own way. 

Or had lost faith that their prayers were good enough. 

Or who felt so sad and helpless to do anything--about Nepal, or a person right in their immediate circle, or the entire world and their place in it. 

These images of others praying for Nepal across the U.S. and throughout the world have been helping me to orient my heart to love and usefulness to Nepal.

In my experience--the single best source of protection, guidance, love and healing---has been a unity and flow between another being and me,  or between my Higher Power and me.

It happens in person if you are lucky, and it happens so powerfully in prayer. Like these colored candles and lights offered to the people and land of Nepal,  your own heart can be lit within when you are lucky enough to  spontaneously pray. Sometimes just closing your eyes--sharing wordless comfort. Sometimes it hurts and burns like a fire, as my teacher Karmapa said.








And sometimes it is gentle and warm.

And sometimes, even if you want to pray, or think you should pray--sometimes there is a tight feeling, or a even numbness, a guilty sense of not good enough.

 I don't want to turn away! Or be overwhelmed to the point of falling apart. I don't want to charge in obsessed. I don't want to let someone down. I don't want, I want--but then, comes the grace where I simply am with you, or you with me, because some door opened.

These are not just some words I'm writing-- Prayer opens a channel  for miracles. A great great mystery, but quite provable, in my opinion, and even scientific somehow.

When I look back, I am as grateful for the moments and times when I was truly with another being, in person or in prayer--as for the times when another being was truly with me, again in person or in prayer. These times were simply the very best of my life--the most healing, the most important.

Me with them or them with me--even if it started out as them helping me, or me helping them, looking back, there is no difference in these moments of unity. The boundary between us, when we were truly with each other--dissolved.

To pray your own way, to show up your own way, to quietly ask yourself--how do I really feel? Is there anything I might do? 

When I have an attitude like this,  if I can be with whatever is rising in me, without judgement or analysis--something breaks through

and I know it as truth. THEN I am better able to act with love and to do something useful.

 Does Nepal not move your heart?

Let's admit, for some, there are times when their own grandmother does not move their heart--

but if she needs you, you will be there, and then the love often comes--and if not, at least you showed up!

What if we do not have to make a choice--between loving our own "people" who need us--and loving and helping suffering beings who are far away. What if there were unlimited spiritual resources?

 We need to discern--how and when and where, perhaps to offer our material resources and our time. But the power of a prayer is faster than the speed of light, costs nothing and does more. 

This is UNLIMITED when tapped into.

But as ordinary humans who suffer in our lives--some of us never experiencing such catastrophe, there will be many more times where our minds are confused, or stubborn, our resources feelings limited, and it will seem as if our powers are puny and we will drain ourselves by reaching out in too many directions. 

At times like this, I know I find sanity when I see what is right in front of me and do my best, and pray in any way I can, take the time and more in a a positive direction until again my heart connects with this way of unity, and I come to know again, yes, it is not only possible, but it is happening right now--I am with this tiny being on my finger that I rescued from a pool--or I am with this entire nation of Nepal, all the way.

I know from experience that charging ahead or acting obsessively is not as useful as being in prayer and offering practical help in a balanced way, as part of my day-to-day life.  But when the ones you love are in danger--logic flies out the window and passion grips your heart.

You fly--no mountain stops you--you take a bullet--you offer water first to the other--without thought. Either way--all ways, any way--I pray to do the next best thing right now. I'm as grateful for the chance to show up, as I am for the thousands of times someone else has helped save my life with even a moment of their true love. 

Nepal! The world holds a light for you

Beautiful prayers for Nepal across the world.

Prayers for Nepal at Karmapa's North American seat

Tonight, hours of prayer and blessings at KTD Monastery, the Karmapa's North American seat, during his teaching visit to the U.S.  Here is HH 17th Karmapa official statement.

Here are some practical ways to help the people and the land of Nepal NOW.

Karmapa in Woodstock!!!

My teacher, His Holiness the 17th Karmapa, head of the Karma Kagyu lineage of Tibetan buddhism has been here in Woodstock, his North American seat. This is the town I came to almost half a century ago at age seven. What can I say? I san see the top of the mountain out my window, and yesterday I was up there early in the morning watching Karmapa planting trees--and later, at the same humble spot where I--and later my two daughters--used to lie on a towel in the sun at day camp--and the same spot where I saw HH Dalai Lama speak in 2007--His Holiness spoke--to old and new Woodstockers about
the interdependent nature of our world, encouraging us to take an active role in healing this world and environment.

What could this mean?

What on earth could this mean for you and me?



Some day I will tell you how my life changed from my long association with this teacher.
Only the smallest drops of change are coming into my heart--true methods of handling strong emotions and challenging circumstances. Learning to become proactive instead of reactive. These are not easy things, and this has been a lifelong process, to be ready to forgive, love, be useful--and to take practical steps day by day, moment by moment.

All I can say is a few years ago I suffered three extreme injuries--and no longer could sit or walk or exist without extreme pain. At the same time I lost my home to hurricane, and in the same time period my two closest friends died. My career dissolved to nothing and I had a full-time aide and was a virtual prisone of my house, in constant pain--with no hope from doctors--and with a shattered mind.

I was in a retreat, I was told by the retreat lamas conencted with the monastery. A retreat of the most difficult kind. With their loving support--I survived--and one day,  I set out and began to walk--and I got stronger. But my healing and recovery did not begin until I walked down the hill to a meeting of ordinary people and discovered basic daily principles--and love, and service, thoughtfulness and action, all in one room. Today I am walking, sitting, driving! My mind has become calmer. For the first time in m life--I feel included among humans--because I include them, and do not run away or fight or hide because I am not getting my way. I am included because I show up as myself, and am so amazed to know that this is good enough. To show up with love and willingness, to be a being among other beings , to be useful,  and to accept. For some this seems bnatural, for me it took a lifetime.

I feel part of the world--and my dear, dear family again--and overflow with the blessings of this life, even standing among sorrows--have learned so man things, and some day hope I could offer them to you--or anyone who feels they do not know the way out and through.

Keep going!

I owe so much to this great teacher. I wish he would stay forever.



Karmapa, along with his seemingly unearthly powers and abilities, is a human who also suffers like
us, and also wishes, like us, for love, freedom and happiness. Today I wish that he might be blessed with all he offers in every waking moment to beings and the world.

It would be great if I had a cat oh and a tiny little magical little baby wolf

These sounds today--from the new neighbor, clopping and creaking with hard shoes above my head, breaking my time of meditation and writing.

 These unwanted thoughts today, these too-strong reactions, these harsh responses within and without, these unwanted guests! I surrender. I can't block you, hide from you, figure you out, kick you out, or force myself to keep going with my plans, as all these inputs are shaking my brain and body just now. I can't keep leaving the house and seeking shelter somewhere else.

I hope you know I'm not just talking about my neighbor--these reactions, and responses, within and without--have been going on a long time. Even when I was a child---oh never mind!

The entire world, inside and out, an arrow--and no shield. What to do?
I tried reasoning with my brain to let up, to change update its system; no dice.

it would be great if i had a cat,

a cat and a true love, and a sense of safety that was unshakeable.

and a beautiful clean and private and sun -filled home where I could enjoy solitude, do good work and open my doors to visitors and offer the love and comfort and laughter—a place where we could all be our true selves without judgement.

What a beautiful and true wish I have...for this, and to write scenes like this.

This  book I have been writing--perhaps a novella, perhaps a spiritual memoir, perhaps a mediations on recovery, perhaps penance--this is where I keep putting my intention and my action, daily. 

Once finished, i can abandon the entire past and keep moving on, only writing loving and true wishes and scenes like this, offering my house, enjoying living in my house—living each day just like this, and at last loving my family as I wish to love them, and being in love with the entire world.

Is this to much to ask?

My brain is quiet, and the cat says go ahead and adopt me.

The tiny, tiny, cute baby wolf and

this puppy

say: maybe next summer when things calm down.

Hayao Miyazaki Studio Ghibli's  THE CAT RETURNS

Trauma recovery--we can do this together!

I was about three years old when I sat on the floor one day trying to put two pieces of wood together to build a boat. There were traumas and tragedies going on in my own home, which I felt powerless to do anything about, and yet felt strongly called to build this boat, get everyone in it, and sail out of there. I had no hammer or nails, but remember the sense of trying to put these pieces of wood together, and with the power of my will and concentration alone, get them to form a boat. I felt a hand on my head, and thought it was my father--looked up and no one was there. 

Looking back, I would say that perhaps no human was there with me, but what appeared to me that day was a promise: you are not alone, and with your concentration, your will, and your effort, the day will come when you will be empowered, in a community of like-minded others, not to flee, not to fight, not to rescue, not to find a quick fix--but working together, with the right tools, and good heart, to make a difference.  

Inspiration and guidance has come throughout my life, to organize at the level of  neighborhood, town or community and to rally together to  bring about positive change. When I went to post-Katrina New Orleans to volunteer in an emergency community for the homeless and for at-risk youth, I began to learn something about what works and what doesn't work, particularly in one's own attitude. Willingness, humility and showing up without so much as an agenda, but an intention to meet others heart to heart, are some of the qualities I still strive to cultivate today. 

One learns how to use leadership abilities to inspire and empower others to use their own greatest strengths, and one learns, equally, to be a team player, willing to support the group's goals. Even when we have lofty-sounding and worthy goals such as community rebuilding, educational reform, trauma recovery, addiction intervention and prevention--in the trenches it is often about working with another individual or family, human to human, with the understanding that we all suffer, and alone we die--and we all have the right to live with dignity and freedom, and have a chance to do that if we work together.

I learned this through some hard crashes. After volunteering in the ninth ward, I too lost my home in a hurricane. I was disabled for several years during this time due to a series of injuries and illnesses, compounded by the loss of my two closest friends.  I was right up against the challenges that millions face--job loss, foreclosure, lack of  medical care,  food and shelter issues, and above all a sense of terror. 

My friend Christopher Cameron and I went through a time of mutual illness and injury; he died of brain cancer in 2011

 Loss of independence was the toughest challenge. I had been on my own since age 14, and then  raised two strong, beautiful daughters, but for years after this crises,  I was mostly housebound and reliant on a home health care aide. I was dependent and struggling in a way that gave me an insight into millions of others, including the elderly and disabled, and those feeling isolated from the world, or unable to receive treatment for the oft-overlooked diagnosis of extreme complex trauma.

one of the aides that i had

 I have learned to focus on what is possible,  and this has been one key to my recovery. Recovery is a process, but I have experienced immense progress!  Witnessing this in others who are recovering has helped me know the power of recovering together. I now believe that many thousands or even millions of people could be substantially relieved of mental and physical pain that was once considered chronic or untreatable. I know this from direct experience, and I have gone from hobbling with a cane and unable to sit and drive, to walking miles in a strong stride heading out by car or plane to enjoy visits with my daughters and their husbands and my two brand new grandsons. Blessings!

The other key has been other human beings--when you are really up against it, and often feel entirely abandoned, that hand comes again, not to rest invisibly atop your head, but the strong, caring and able hands of others who have been where you now are, and want to help pull you up. In my case, I had to stand on my own two feet, and  walk with my Higher Power a bit before I discovered there were compassionate people willing to walk with me. 

As soon as this walk began , I learned I could use my experiences of suffering and transformation, of loss and redemption to inspire others to walk with me.  I'm a writer, and have been developing some trauma recovery strategies and tool kits. I taught my first workshop to an agency in my hometown who works with people in crises. They once helped me out greatly. It feels good to give back, and to keep moving. It feels good to be still, with another being, and to know that the promise I was offered as a child is surely coming true. Together, we can, we will and we are!

Obamba called for people to share their inspiration for  organizing and becoming involved in grassroots programs that create positive change--this is mine! What's yours?