These sounds today--from the new neighbor, clopping and creaking with hard shoes above my head, breaking my time of meditation and writing.
These unwanted thoughts today, these too-strong reactions, these harsh responses within and without, these unwanted guests! I surrender. I can't block you, hide from you, figure you out, kick you out, or force myself to keep going with my plans, as all these inputs are shaking my brain and body just now. I can't keep leaving the house and seeking shelter somewhere else.
I hope you know I'm not just talking about my neighbor--these reactions, and responses, within and without--have been going on a long time. Even when I was a child---oh never mind!
The entire world, inside and out, an arrow--and no shield. What to do?
I tried reasoning with my brain to let up, to change update its system; no dice.
it would be great if i had a cat,
I hope you know I'm not just talking about my neighbor--these reactions, and responses, within and without--have been going on a long time. Even when I was a child---oh never mind!
The entire world, inside and out, an arrow--and no shield. What to do?
I tried reasoning with my brain to let up, to change update its system; no dice.
it would be great if i had a cat,
a cat and a true love, and a sense of safety that was unshakeable.
and a beautiful clean and private and sun -filled home where I could enjoy solitude, do good work and open my doors to visitors and offer the love and comfort and laughter—a place where we could all be our true selves without judgement.
What a beautiful and true wish I have...for this, and to write scenes like this.
This book I have been writing--perhaps a novella, perhaps a spiritual memoir, perhaps a mediations on recovery, perhaps penance--this is where I keep putting my intention and my action, daily.
Once finished, i can abandon the entire past and keep moving on, only writing loving and true wishes and scenes like this, offering my house, enjoying living in my house—living each day just like this, and at last loving my family as I wish to love them, and being in love with the entire world.
Is this to much to ask?
My brain is quiet, and the cat says go ahead and adopt me.
The tiny, tiny, cute baby wolf and
this puppy
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