I am a medical miracle--and this book helped

I wrote about 5,000 words today about nerve pain and trauma recovery, but it always gets too complicated! One day I hope to share my story and how I got better--share it clearly and in a way that is practical and useful. Easier said than done.

So let me start with  Essential Help for Your Nerves, 
by Claire Weekes, a hero and pioneer in this field !

This little book is for pain and trauma recovery what saltwater is for a toothache--a good old basic that really really works.

I love things that work without faith.  You simply use it, do it, take it, or apply it--and voila, works or doesn't work. Once you see it works and once you experience the results, then you have faith. This is my criteria for many things, but particularly when it comes to healing.

Of course faith and grace come in, and of course there is the matter of process and patience and time.
But there is a basic resonance that I believe in. And even in times of great mental delusion, my heart still had the ability deep within, to discern, it still had the little light, and the little click--when something was right. Sometimes it bypassed my brain--yes, it often bypassed my brain. sometimes I despaired of ever discerning--how do i know--what part of me is saying yes, what part of me is saying no--
and often i was confused beyond belief and paralyzed with fear, a fear I didn't even know was fear!

Yet--I GOT OUT!

I got out because I set out--and two years from the day I made that video, things have only gotten better. I could not and did not sit for two and a half years. I could not walk a block without a cane.
I traveled with an improvised seat made of a toilet seat taped to wooden blocks--or else I lay in the back of a car. I was in intractable pain 80% of the time, with a sensation of being tortured. I used ice packs all over my body. I was on mass quantities of narcotics. I was paranoid, terrified, isolated and hopeless.
Worse of all, I had come to completely doubt everything that was a source of truth, unity, love, joy and purpose.

Now--I walk wherever I please, and even hike. I sit--always! I drive--something I never thought I would do again! I am on zero drugs--HOORAY! I was given no hope--and I am a medical miracle!
I am a grandma of two adorable baby boys, the lights of  my life, along with my darling daughters and wonderful son-in-laws. I have much to live for and everything to be grateful for,

and hope to share anything that is useful so others might not suffer needlessly.



It turned out--THERE WAS A SOLUTION out of an entirely hopeless situation.

This little book came to me at least a year after I set out--

The book was not my solution and did not outline a program, but it was a gift as I discovered the solution, it was a piece of the solution, and it provided, and still provides some great relief and assurance, and I hope it helps you too! I'm not sure if she mentions nerve pain, but I am positive that if nerves are involved in the pain you have experienced, then you also experience the nerves involved in anxiety. In my case, these nerves seemed to become entangled--anxiety affecting pain and vice versa. I can now report that I am getting better equally in both departments. I sensed there had to be a technical reason and not just a karmic-i-am-permanently-doomed reason, that I felt like I was a shell packed full of unsheathed, cross-signaled nerves--I felt like a skinned cat--I reacted to every tiny input whether pain or sound or human look, as if it were magnified a thousand times. Now I can look back and say, it is SOOOOOOOO much better.

But it absolutely would not have gotten better on its own. I had to do something--I had to take all kinds of actions, and they all worked together, and I did not do it alone. There were various things that helped, often simple things. And this book was one, so I hope it helps you!

Here's what's exciting, and I believe Dr. Claire Weekes, and the other pioneers in traumatic pain syndromes would  agree --one is not doomed to suffer a chronic condition without cure, one does not have to learn to live with it, put on a brave face, make the best of it--but one can shift to an entirely new direction, in an entirely new way--and in time, know, without a doubt that you have recovered your life.

HH KARMAPA IS FREE

ཀརྨ་བཀའ་བརྒྱུད།

Living gratefully vs. telling yourself you should be happy

Telling yourself you should be happy....

...because three years ago I was in seemingly unending physical pain...not for a weekend...a year..but ceaselessly for years--and here i am sitting on my front steps listening to crickets and no pain.

...because so many people are suffering in this moment.

...because I am blessed with so many things, including the ones I care about more than my own life.

Etc. Etc.--this kind of should never produces happiness.

Yet, day by day, if I remember there is a new way, if I offer the best I can--in each moment---mostly in terms of mindfulness, willingness, a spirit of being present, of unity, in helpfulness--sometimes by smiling, sometimes by shutting up, sometimes by cleaning my bathroom floor--or taking a walk instead of looking up something useless online... these choices, and these compassionate or useful actions--no matter how I am FEELING--create a lif overall more peaceful and manageable, which in turn gives rise to moments of acceptance, peace, genuine feelings, genuine compassion, genuine friendship--

i sometimes miss the times of being run all over the place with my desires, with seeking, with the zest of acquistion, the satisfaction of controlling--but not the crashes that follow, the deep disappointments and crushing loss. Of course these still come in miniature bursts of I have to have--I can't stand this--and other strong emotions, in almost every day.

I have very little control, but I do have a choice, whereas in the grip of pain or illness or catastrophic loss and injury--it is choiceless.

For a few years now, since I decided to walk again, even a few steps at a time at first, I began to test the limits of what seemed a choiceless circumstance. Pain used to be a dealbreaker--not any more. And as I kept going in spite of pain, the pain diminished. Now I keep going--not just aimlessly,  and not with sheer willfulness, but with a new goal--and I keep going in spite of fear, dullness, anxiety, or any other negative emotion. My old goal used to be to get what I want or to avoid or annhilate what I did not want. Now it seems more about unity--with my higher power, with others, with a common goal, with my heart-- This new more conscious way feels awkward and seems to involve way too much discernment and effort at times--but when the fruits come, they are indescribably sweet--
to many, so subtle they might be overlooked. For me, something as simple as being with diverse people as equals in a circle--listening, and feeling part of--contributing sometimes solely by being present--
it is really impossible to explain, but to do this and feel at ease in body and mind, to feel useful, and part of--and not in control of the whole show--
this is the greatest joy.

Fiji WATER's creepy commercial--do you see what I see?

Do you see what I see? (Answer below)



(Make sure you are seeing the one called TIME BEFORE, as this is part of a series part of a Fiji campaign and they will play all three in a row.)

Was watching #Happyish, the new Showtime series.

Do you guys use #s on blogger?

On this week's episode,  things turn desperate in the ad world. Dictators and terrorists are hailed as branding geniuses--
Steve Coogan pitches a campaign to Coke --(an old coke campaign mentioned in the show coincidentally appeared in a madman episode later tonight, but that's just a weird sidenote).

Happyish is set in Woodstock and a lot of people I know here like it. I watch it every week--and I hope they come back to shoot so I can be an extra.

So after HAPPYish, I turn the channel to some network and a Fiji commercial grabs my attention--
why?

Because I love drinking that water (or used to).

Even the bottles you could get for fifty cents at walmart that had been out in the sun and deformed seemed to taste better than other waters. I wondered if
they had some secret ingredient in there, like the lithium water in Oregon years ago.

In any case, I watched because the images were forceful--scenes of urban pollution and such, paired with a vocal chorus that is at once vintage Christian spiritual and New Age, and somehow has the cadence of folky movement songs--with an eerie yet compelling child's voice-


(It just made you feel that Fiji was going to save the world--offer some hope--perhaps

donate vast quantities of profits to places

where there is currently NO FRESH WATER AT ALL--or water requiring chlorine to kill dangerous microbes and water-borne diseases.)

So I'm watching this commerical--and then--i see the familiar, even iconic little plane racing toward a building--
(or at least that's how it flickered into my consciousness)--

Come on Fiji!!!! Seriously, using 911 and terrorism and environmental disaster to SELL YOUR WATER? The question is...did it work? I wonder if their sales went up. FIJI --ten hail mary's!

Karmapa tosses the object at Nalandabodhi

Karmapa’s Quantum Compassion or  Quantum prank!?

Tossing the Object at Nalandabodhi, Seattle.

It was the last web-streamed teaching of Karmapa’s  U.S. tour.

Nalandabodhi is the organization created by Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche to support his students in their study of Buddhist philosophy and the practice of meditation under his direction. 

Karmapa’s overall topic was  a call to compassionate action, and near the end, 

 he made a distinction between doing an action to benefit beings, vs. existing as one who actually embodies the nature of being genuinely beneficial.

He concluded his teaching with a pith instruction.

 ....“if we set ourselves up as the person who wishes to benefit others, and set the goal of benefiting others separate from that,

 then we will never accomplish the fully genuine expression of benefiting others...

"I think, in general, there still seems to be a sense that there is too much distance between what we say and what we do.

 “It’s important to not just content oneself with saying things. And not just satisfy oneself through understanding things.

"But actually take what was said, and take what was understood, and apply that as meaningfully as we can, to our own minds, and then begin to bring it into our experience, through practice, and through effort. 

"This means taking away the separation between the dharma and the person. We don't want the Dharma and the person to be two separate things; we want them to merge together..."

They say the Karmapa teaches on many planes at once--and here you can plainly see it!

The Karmapa lifted a small object from the table...

And transferred it to his right hand.....

As the translator continued: "In another way, you could describe this as lack of separation,  between the action and the performer of the action."

The translator did not intone the word ACTION like a movie director offering a cue—yet  the Karmapa tossed the the object at that very second—

  

The demonstration was executed smoothly and naturally. So subtle it could almost be missed, although you could hear a surprised murmur wave through the audience. The timing was flawless. The object sailed like a living koan or tiny buddha—whisking away any residue of dullness that words and theories can cause. Immediately after, the Karmapa offered a kind of spiritual equation:

"So, as short of a distance as we can make, between the action and the performer of the action... to that degree, we will truly come to understand reality, and manifest genuinely positive results."

As you can see for yourself, there was very little distance between the action and the performer of the action--in fact, they were seamlessly united--from the moment the action was born until the moment it ceased. And henceforth, it seems anyone who witnessed or was effected by this specific  action will seamlessly associate it with the performer of the action.

For me, witnessing this visual demonstration, while simultaneously hearing the instruction, was an empowerment! It awakened a sense memory of all the times, for whatever reason, since I was a child, when I had a goal and acted in accordance, with confidence and unity of my being with the goal—in a simplicity, with a true desire, with a full awareness, with all my innate abilities, fully acting, and at the same time, letting go of control.

Like a slam-dunk basket! And a lot of other things.

The unexpected action and the swiftness of its execution, and its perfect unity with each word --(please try to see the vid for yourself)—opened a door that no matter of complicated or special practices could open.

It said—if not now, when?

It said—come on, you know what to do, so just do it!

It said—yes, you do so know how to  love and care for others,  stop pretending you forgot.

It said—go ahead and smile.

“Extending love and concern to others, is the essence of being alive as a human....If you seize whatever opportunities you have to develop compassion, that would be beneficial.”

 Thank you for devoting your life and efforts to this, your Holiness Karmapa, and coming here to be with us and share with us. May you be well and happy, may you achieve what you wish, with no obstacle between you and your students!

Karmapa's Statements about Nepal at Monlam in NY

Karmapa's speech was brief and from the heart, following an intense series of prayers at Riverside Church in Manhattan today, during the special monlam initiated to pray for both those who have passed away, and those who have survived and are suffering.

The vast pews were filled with students praying in tandem. 

Nepal is the birthplace of the Buddha, and has a "tremendously close connection" with the Tibetan people,  and the devastation is "a matter of great concern and intense feeling" for Tibetans, said the Karmapa, who is head of the Karma Kagyu lineage of Tibetan Buddhism, and lives in exile in India. He was in Woodstock, NY, his North American seat, as part of this month's U.S. teaching tour, when the earthquake happened, and immediately began to pray.

"I want to offer my strongest prayers and aspirations for a good and happy rebirth for all those who have passed away (due to the earthquake) and for the quick alleviation of suffering for those who survived, and may they all be speedily returned to a state of comfort and happiness." To this end he vows to do everything in his power to assist.

He expressed gratitude to all those across the world who are assisting with disaster relief, including those who attended the monlam, and asked those in attendance to do all they can with body, speech and mind to assist.

THANK YOU KARMAPA

Live stream Karmapa in New York Prays for Nepal

HH KARMAPA is in New York at Riverside church now, with students, having initiated a prayer monlam for victims of the earthquake in Nepal.

If you are reading this around 3 p.m., you can see it live stream.

May all beings be relieved of suffering. May they know hope, comfort, happiness.

May assistance and healing be swift. May the lamp of our hearts be lighted so we might love and be useful, and know unity within and with our brothers and sisters. May all beings be free of fear and know faith.

Woodstock prays for Nepal

As Chogyaak Taktho Sherpa said: Let's join Hands for new Nepal and world.

As Karmapa said: Many thousands of people have been killed or injured, and historic buildings and private homes have been turned into ruins. At times when we are faced with such a desperate situation, we can not sit idle, unfeelingly. We must join forces and carry the burden of sorrow together. It is important that each one of us light the lamp of courage.