We're with you Nepal! The power of authentic prayer and useful action.

I wanted to write--something that could be helpful to someone who had maybe forgotten how to 

pray their own way. 

Or had lost faith that their prayers were good enough. 

Or who felt so sad and helpless to do anything--about Nepal, or a person right in their immediate circle, or the entire world and their place in it. 

These images of others praying for Nepal across the U.S. and throughout the world have been helping me to orient my heart to love and usefulness to Nepal.

In my experience--the single best source of protection, guidance, love and healing---has been a unity and flow between another being and me,  or between my Higher Power and me.

It happens in person if you are lucky, and it happens so powerfully in prayer. Like these colored candles and lights offered to the people and land of Nepal,  your own heart can be lit within when you are lucky enough to  spontaneously pray. Sometimes just closing your eyes--sharing wordless comfort. Sometimes it hurts and burns like a fire, as my teacher Karmapa said.








And sometimes it is gentle and warm.

And sometimes, even if you want to pray, or think you should pray--sometimes there is a tight feeling, or a even numbness, a guilty sense of not good enough.

 I don't want to turn away! Or be overwhelmed to the point of falling apart. I don't want to charge in obsessed. I don't want to let someone down. I don't want, I want--but then, comes the grace where I simply am with you, or you with me, because some door opened.

These are not just some words I'm writing-- Prayer opens a channel  for miracles. A great great mystery, but quite provable, in my opinion, and even scientific somehow.

When I look back, I am as grateful for the moments and times when I was truly with another being, in person or in prayer--as for the times when another being was truly with me, again in person or in prayer. These times were simply the very best of my life--the most healing, the most important.

Me with them or them with me--even if it started out as them helping me, or me helping them, looking back, there is no difference in these moments of unity. The boundary between us, when we were truly with each other--dissolved.

To pray your own way, to show up your own way, to quietly ask yourself--how do I really feel? Is there anything I might do? 

When I have an attitude like this,  if I can be with whatever is rising in me, without judgement or analysis--something breaks through

and I know it as truth. THEN I am better able to act with love and to do something useful.

 Does Nepal not move your heart?

Let's admit, for some, there are times when their own grandmother does not move their heart--

but if she needs you, you will be there, and then the love often comes--and if not, at least you showed up!

What if we do not have to make a choice--between loving our own "people" who need us--and loving and helping suffering beings who are far away. What if there were unlimited spiritual resources?

 We need to discern--how and when and where, perhaps to offer our material resources and our time. But the power of a prayer is faster than the speed of light, costs nothing and does more. 

This is UNLIMITED when tapped into.

But as ordinary humans who suffer in our lives--some of us never experiencing such catastrophe, there will be many more times where our minds are confused, or stubborn, our resources feelings limited, and it will seem as if our powers are puny and we will drain ourselves by reaching out in too many directions. 

At times like this, I know I find sanity when I see what is right in front of me and do my best, and pray in any way I can, take the time and more in a a positive direction until again my heart connects with this way of unity, and I come to know again, yes, it is not only possible, but it is happening right now--I am with this tiny being on my finger that I rescued from a pool--or I am with this entire nation of Nepal, all the way.

I know from experience that charging ahead or acting obsessively is not as useful as being in prayer and offering practical help in a balanced way, as part of my day-to-day life.  But when the ones you love are in danger--logic flies out the window and passion grips your heart.

You fly--no mountain stops you--you take a bullet--you offer water first to the other--without thought. Either way--all ways, any way--I pray to do the next best thing right now. I'm as grateful for the chance to show up, as I am for the thousands of times someone else has helped save my life with even a moment of their true love. 

Nepal! The world holds a light for you

Beautiful prayers for Nepal across the world.

Prayers for Nepal at Karmapa's North American seat

Tonight, hours of prayer and blessings at KTD Monastery, the Karmapa's North American seat, during his teaching visit to the U.S.  Here is HH 17th Karmapa official statement.

Here are some practical ways to help the people and the land of Nepal NOW.

Karmapa in Woodstock!!!

My teacher, His Holiness the 17th Karmapa, head of the Karma Kagyu lineage of Tibetan buddhism has been here in Woodstock, his North American seat. This is the town I came to almost half a century ago at age seven. What can I say? I san see the top of the mountain out my window, and yesterday I was up there early in the morning watching Karmapa planting trees--and later, at the same humble spot where I--and later my two daughters--used to lie on a towel in the sun at day camp--and the same spot where I saw HH Dalai Lama speak in 2007--His Holiness spoke--to old and new Woodstockers about
the interdependent nature of our world, encouraging us to take an active role in healing this world and environment.

What could this mean?

What on earth could this mean for you and me?



Some day I will tell you how my life changed from my long association with this teacher.
Only the smallest drops of change are coming into my heart--true methods of handling strong emotions and challenging circumstances. Learning to become proactive instead of reactive. These are not easy things, and this has been a lifelong process, to be ready to forgive, love, be useful--and to take practical steps day by day, moment by moment.

All I can say is a few years ago I suffered three extreme injuries--and no longer could sit or walk or exist without extreme pain. At the same time I lost my home to hurricane, and in the same time period my two closest friends died. My career dissolved to nothing and I had a full-time aide and was a virtual prisone of my house, in constant pain--with no hope from doctors--and with a shattered mind.

I was in a retreat, I was told by the retreat lamas conencted with the monastery. A retreat of the most difficult kind. With their loving support--I survived--and one day,  I set out and began to walk--and I got stronger. But my healing and recovery did not begin until I walked down the hill to a meeting of ordinary people and discovered basic daily principles--and love, and service, thoughtfulness and action, all in one room. Today I am walking, sitting, driving! My mind has become calmer. For the first time in m life--I feel included among humans--because I include them, and do not run away or fight or hide because I am not getting my way. I am included because I show up as myself, and am so amazed to know that this is good enough. To show up with love and willingness, to be a being among other beings , to be useful,  and to accept. For some this seems bnatural, for me it took a lifetime.

I feel part of the world--and my dear, dear family again--and overflow with the blessings of this life, even standing among sorrows--have learned so man things, and some day hope I could offer them to you--or anyone who feels they do not know the way out and through.

Keep going!

I owe so much to this great teacher. I wish he would stay forever.



Karmapa, along with his seemingly unearthly powers and abilities, is a human who also suffers like
us, and also wishes, like us, for love, freedom and happiness. Today I wish that he might be blessed with all he offers in every waking moment to beings and the world.

It would be great if I had a cat oh and a tiny little magical little baby wolf

These sounds today--from the new neighbor, clopping and creaking with hard shoes above my head, breaking my time of meditation and writing.

 These unwanted thoughts today, these too-strong reactions, these harsh responses within and without, these unwanted guests! I surrender. I can't block you, hide from you, figure you out, kick you out, or force myself to keep going with my plans, as all these inputs are shaking my brain and body just now. I can't keep leaving the house and seeking shelter somewhere else.

I hope you know I'm not just talking about my neighbor--these reactions, and responses, within and without--have been going on a long time. Even when I was a child---oh never mind!

The entire world, inside and out, an arrow--and no shield. What to do?
I tried reasoning with my brain to let up, to change update its system; no dice.

it would be great if i had a cat,

a cat and a true love, and a sense of safety that was unshakeable.

and a beautiful clean and private and sun -filled home where I could enjoy solitude, do good work and open my doors to visitors and offer the love and comfort and laughter—a place where we could all be our true selves without judgement.

What a beautiful and true wish I have...for this, and to write scenes like this.

This  book I have been writing--perhaps a novella, perhaps a spiritual memoir, perhaps a mediations on recovery, perhaps penance--this is where I keep putting my intention and my action, daily. 

Once finished, i can abandon the entire past and keep moving on, only writing loving and true wishes and scenes like this, offering my house, enjoying living in my house—living each day just like this, and at last loving my family as I wish to love them, and being in love with the entire world.

Is this to much to ask?

My brain is quiet, and the cat says go ahead and adopt me.

The tiny, tiny, cute baby wolf and

this puppy

say: maybe next summer when things calm down.

Hayao Miyazaki Studio Ghibli's  THE CAT RETURNS

Trauma recovery--we can do this together!

I was about three years old when I sat on the floor one day trying to put two pieces of wood together to build a boat. There were traumas and tragedies going on in my own home, which I felt powerless to do anything about, and yet felt strongly called to build this boat, get everyone in it, and sail out of there. I had no hammer or nails, but remember the sense of trying to put these pieces of wood together, and with the power of my will and concentration alone, get them to form a boat. I felt a hand on my head, and thought it was my father--looked up and no one was there. 

Looking back, I would say that perhaps no human was there with me, but what appeared to me that day was a promise: you are not alone, and with your concentration, your will, and your effort, the day will come when you will be empowered, in a community of like-minded others, not to flee, not to fight, not to rescue, not to find a quick fix--but working together, with the right tools, and good heart, to make a difference.  

Inspiration and guidance has come throughout my life, to organize at the level of  neighborhood, town or community and to rally together to  bring about positive change. When I went to post-Katrina New Orleans to volunteer in an emergency community for the homeless and for at-risk youth, I began to learn something about what works and what doesn't work, particularly in one's own attitude. Willingness, humility and showing up without so much as an agenda, but an intention to meet others heart to heart, are some of the qualities I still strive to cultivate today. 

One learns how to use leadership abilities to inspire and empower others to use their own greatest strengths, and one learns, equally, to be a team player, willing to support the group's goals. Even when we have lofty-sounding and worthy goals such as community rebuilding, educational reform, trauma recovery, addiction intervention and prevention--in the trenches it is often about working with another individual or family, human to human, with the understanding that we all suffer, and alone we die--and we all have the right to live with dignity and freedom, and have a chance to do that if we work together.

I learned this through some hard crashes. After volunteering in the ninth ward, I too lost my home in a hurricane. I was disabled for several years during this time due to a series of injuries and illnesses, compounded by the loss of my two closest friends.  I was right up against the challenges that millions face--job loss, foreclosure, lack of  medical care,  food and shelter issues, and above all a sense of terror. 

My friend Christopher Cameron and I went through a time of mutual illness and injury; he died of brain cancer in 2011

 Loss of independence was the toughest challenge. I had been on my own since age 14, and then  raised two strong, beautiful daughters, but for years after this crises,  I was mostly housebound and reliant on a home health care aide. I was dependent and struggling in a way that gave me an insight into millions of others, including the elderly and disabled, and those feeling isolated from the world, or unable to receive treatment for the oft-overlooked diagnosis of extreme complex trauma.

one of the aides that i had

 I have learned to focus on what is possible,  and this has been one key to my recovery. Recovery is a process, but I have experienced immense progress!  Witnessing this in others who are recovering has helped me know the power of recovering together. I now believe that many thousands or even millions of people could be substantially relieved of mental and physical pain that was once considered chronic or untreatable. I know this from direct experience, and I have gone from hobbling with a cane and unable to sit and drive, to walking miles in a strong stride heading out by car or plane to enjoy visits with my daughters and their husbands and my two brand new grandsons. Blessings!

The other key has been other human beings--when you are really up against it, and often feel entirely abandoned, that hand comes again, not to rest invisibly atop your head, but the strong, caring and able hands of others who have been where you now are, and want to help pull you up. In my case, I had to stand on my own two feet, and  walk with my Higher Power a bit before I discovered there were compassionate people willing to walk with me. 

As soon as this walk began , I learned I could use my experiences of suffering and transformation, of loss and redemption to inspire others to walk with me.  I'm a writer, and have been developing some trauma recovery strategies and tool kits. I taught my first workshop to an agency in my hometown who works with people in crises. They once helped me out greatly. It feels good to give back, and to keep moving. It feels good to be still, with another being, and to know that the promise I was offered as a child is surely coming true. Together, we can, we will and we are!

Obamba called for people to share their inspiration for  organizing and becoming involved in grassroots programs that create positive change--this is mine! What's yours?

Moment of silence for Sarah Jones, on set of SHOWTIME'S HAPPYish

Spent two days as an extra for the upcoming Showtime series, HAPPYish. 

Sunny frozen day, in Woodstock, NY, everyone in their positions, poised to move--and all action stopped. 

For ten minutes or more, the whole cast and crew were gathered together, as a key cameraperson offered the most beautiful and personal memorial for Sarah Jones, who was killed during the shooting of Midnight Rider, one year ago today.

 A bright, young camera assistant--she had a natural exuberance, passion for her work--and a delightful presence on the set. She was struck by a train in Georgia, while filming. The tragedy influenced increased awareness of on-set safety throughout the world. It turns out that while we were silenced in pray and unity,  production crews throughout the world today, also took a moment of silence  for Sarah,  as part of a memorial campaign launched  by the International Cinematographers Guild (Local 600) and Local 479 (Studio Mechanics).

On the set in Woodstock, the HAPPYIsh cameraperson paid a true homage--evoking Sarah's personality, making her presence quite vivid, and many wiped tears when he spoke of the devastation of her family, who asked --(in this video request)--only that people be made aware of safety issues, so others would not lose lives. He called for all to be aware of each other, caring for each other--and to never be afraid to speak up if they witness any safety issues or unsafe behaviors, anything that might jeopardize a cast or crew member, in the spirit of  supporting precious human life above all other concerns.

When one community stands up for its members and calls, not just in lip-service, but in heartfelt prayer, for unity and kinship--this paves the way for others to operate with more humanity, and awareness of 

the well-being of others.  The film industry, for all its sheen and wheeling-dealing, is often in the forefront

of human rights advocacy, using the power of the few to call for the freedom and the rights of the many.

This was the spirit of our Woodstock community decades--and even 100 years ago, 

when artists, famous musicians, single moms and all of us basically ate together, worked together, lived together, played together and and the real heroes watched each other's back.

You could feel this unity of hearts and minds on the set, and witness it in the care of the crew and the thoughtfulness, in dealing respectfully and successfully with so many humans, all with different needs and agendas--in the long days and nights of shooting, in the activities ranging from the mundane to the main shots. It is easy to be aware, on set, how it is all a series of small events and choices, and complete interdependence of the elements,  which leads up to the seemingly effortless whole. 

Production also halted once more when a random fire alarm went off and legions of  flashing rescue vehicles arrived into the middle of a scene. No one was hurt. Order quickly restored. Back on track. No tragedy this time,  of this day, just a few moments delay.

HAPPYish was originally set with
Philip Seymour Hoffman
as lead.

HAPPYish was originally set with Philip Seymour Hoffman as lead. His death, just one year and a few weeks ago, was a tragedy of a different type, but one wonders if the same spirit of safety, unity and awareness of others in the same industry, might not have helped to save a life--every action matters, and every person matters, whether their death is like an arterial gash to the arts, like Hoffman's or whether a young woman whose smile and presence is the sole reason Christmas makes sense. When they don't come home again, there is a missing spot that can not be replaced.

The future of the HAPPYish project was uncertain after Hoffman's death. The comedy was re-cast, re-piloted and re-ordered with  Steve Coogan  in the lead role. 

 plays a middle-aged man in a chronically meh state. His on-screen love is quirky/beautiful and there are cute kids involved, and I wish I could watch it tonight. Because Woodstock in winter can make anyone chronically MEh .

It is not a bad thing at all to have your little programs to watch--in moderation and the occasional marathon. Even the monks up at the Tibetan Buddhist monastery, on the top of the highest Woodstock mountain have their favorite programs. We all watch something now and then, and someone's making it for us.

For any production, the behind-the-scenes care put into every shot usually remains invisible to the audience; it's a treat, and an awakening to witness firsthand the hours of labor, preparation, timing--the patience required by all, the amount of cold and tedium tolerated--all so one perfect piece of magic might be captured, so someone in the future-as invisible to us as the crew will be to them--might click  on a screen and be taken away somewhere--to forget the hard parts of life for a moment, and be lifted up fast, like on a ride--

It might not seem like it was all about love --but it is.